Have You Ever Prayed a Psalm 88 Prayer?

I’m writing this post during Holy Week, one of the most important times of the year for most Christians. Soon we will reflect upon the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, celebrating the fact that He paid our sin debt. Because of His sacrifice, those who believe in Him have peace with God and those who believe in His name have been given the power to become children of God (John 1:12). But do you always feel like one of His children or are there times when you feel distanced from the Father: times when you wonder if He really cares? Are there times when you feel like He may have forgotten you? Are there times when you prayed a Psalm 88 prayer?

No, things are not going well

When I read Psalm 88, I see something that is very different from most of the other Psalms and very different from the advice often given by the church. This Psalm starts of like the others, with the writer crying out to God because things aren’t going very well. But in the other Psalms the writer eventually musters up a bunch of faith and ends by looking forward to the great things God will do. Whatever the need, even if it’s a need for vengeance upon those who have done wrong, the writers of the Psalms seem to always come back to some variation of “I trust in God.” But not Psalm 88.

Psalm 88 begins by asking God to listen, followed by a description of how the writer’s, “…soul is full of troubles.” The writer describes feeling, “Like the slain who lie in the grave,” and like one who God, “…remember(s) no more…” The Psalmist speaks of being in darkness and of how he feels like he is under God’s wrath. He talks about crying out to the Lord but feeling as if the Lord has cast off his soul. Psalm 88 paints a picture of personal suffering and then…? And then the Psalm comes to an end.

There is no, “God’s got this,” nor is there a declaration that the Psalmist will wait upon the Lord. Psalm 88 ends, leaving the reader wondering where the Psalmist’s faith is at this point. Does he make the seemingly quick recovery that we so often see in the Psalms and throughout the entire Bible? He may have but he doesn’t tell us here. Psalm 88 is an honest expression of how this writer felt at the time. Things were not good, and it seems as if he didn’t feel like ending on a high note.

So, what is a Psalm 88 prayer?

A Psalm 88 prayer is an honest prayer. It is a time of pouring out exactly what is on our hearts, even if we are struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a prayer that is covered in tears, driven by a feeling that all is not well and by a feeling that God is not close by. The fact that this type of prayer is in the Bible and inspired by God (2 Timothy 3:16) gives permission for us to pray this kind of honest prayer, following the example set by the Psalmist during a time of suffering.

Do you pray these kinds of honest prayers? I know I have all to often tried to clean up my prayers, praying what I thought God (and/or my church brethren) wanted to hear. But doing so is telling God a lie, something I’m no longer comfortable with. I want to be honest with God, just like Psalm 88 is honest. How about you? Is your relationship with God one where you pray a Psalm 88 prayer when needed?

Fear of Facing Our Own Shortcomings

I keep a journal where I have become comfortable with being brutally honest with myself. I am also in the habit of going back and reading old entries in this journal which means my younger self gets the chance to be brutally honest with me right now. This happened recently when I came across one of my journal entries in which I wrote about my own pride and my own insecurities. What stood out as I read my own writings was how easy it was to turn the focus on the actions of others. I even wrote a blog post in which I talked about how Christians should deal with someone else’s pride. And while I believe what I wrote on that post to be true, it left out something very important. Sometimes we’re the one with the pride problem or with some other character flaw. And while it is true that our brothers and sisters in Christ should prayerfully and patiently guide us, at some point, when confronted with our own shortcomings, we have to choose to surrender ourselves to the Lord and to allow Him to work in us to get rid of the problem.

My original post was called “Pride or Termites: How Christians Respond to the Problem” in which I described how pride often is a mask covering the real problem of insecurity. I described how we can deal with this real problem in the lives of others instead of knocking them down for the pride that is only a symptom of something bigger. But even if we are prayerfully in full alignment with God, the simple fact is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Likewise, a brother/sister in Christ can help you see you have a problem but they can’t make YOU do anything about it.

Back when I wrote the termite post I was ready to admit my own pride but I was not ready to do anything about it. It was much easier to turn the focus towards someone else in the form of, “this is what THEY should do,” with the “THEY” being the rest of the church. I should have been asking myself and writing about what I should do. I write this now because I believe this should be a routine aspect of the Chrisitian walk and I am being brutally honest with myself again. Instead of looking at others, Chistians (with an emphasis on me this time) should be talking about what we should do. What should I do when God reveals an area of pride in my own heart? It all starts with yielding to God and being the person He has created me to be.

Why Worry? God Will Provide!

I once had a front row seat for a demonstration of what worry will do to a person over time as a close family member spent decades worrying about having enough money. They never directly said so but it was clear in the way they lived and in the things that they said that they were driven out of a fear of running out. Making matters worse, their fear was mixed with pride as they continued with their own self effort even in the face of evidence that what they were doing was not getting them what they wanted. In the end they died alone and unhappy, being overcome by the results of an addiction that masked the stress of feeling like the bottom might fall out at any moment.

I watched as this person, who claimed to be a good Christian, struggled against the ebb and flow that is a normal part of life. With their Bible nearby, theirs was a life of fear instead of an example of great faith. Even as they bragged about how they knew the Good Book better than I did, they somehow never came to trust in a very important promise:

“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:19 (NKJV)

I wish this was the only person that I knew who claimed to know the Bible well but who never fully accepted Philippians 4:19. In fact, I’ve known dozens of Christians whose lives were more of a demonstration of fear and/or pride as opposed to an example of faith. And yes, as I point my finger at others there are fingers pointing back at me. I was once one who professed faith in Christ but, driven by fear, relied on my own ability to try to earn a living. Just like the others I found that with all my hard work either I never had enough to make ends meet or, when I did, I was too stressed to enjoy what I had.

It took a very odd dream where I was faced with a costly repair for God to get my attention. As I woke from the dream I could somehow tell that God was asking me how I should handle the situation. I knew the answer He expected and responded accordingly, telling God that I would pray. He responded by asking, “Why don’t you?” Since then I have done just that when a need arises and each time God answers with what I need. I’m not yet perfect at doing this and I still sometimes forget to ask. But eventually, when I repent of my own efforts and ask God to provide, I find that His timing is always perfect. He always comes through.

As Christians we all know that God will provide for our needs yet do we…do you…live like He will provide? If you are not a Christian you are missing out on the peace that comes with knowing that you are loved and that God will take care of you because He loves you. So let me ask you something. Do you choose to trust God to provide? It’s not always easy to do but it is a great place to be.

There’s Nothing I Can Do About It

It was a show of blatant disrespect, the kind that people later try to justify because they know they are wrong. There I was trying to make what I thought was an important point but someone else kept talking over me. They felt that the point I was making didn’t apply at the time, even though later on someone else asked the very question I was trying to answer. Somehow the answer was important when the other person asked the question but wasn’t important when I, knowing the information was needed, tried to anticipate what would be asked. Later on the person tried to explain why they interrupted me, as if the explanation somehow made it less disrespectful.

Fortunately, God has done quite a bit of work on my heart. Having been brought up under the cloud of codependency, my old self would have reacted poorly. I would have started yelling or done something else that would have made me look like a fool. If I didn’t yell, I would have made some sort of passive aggressive comment when the question I was trying to answer was asked later on. Somehow I would have found a way to mess things up so that in the end all anyone would have talked about was my own immaturity instead of that of the person who was really at fault.

In the past if I somehow managed to hold my tongue I would have felt compelled to try to change how that person thinks about me: I would have tried to earn their respect. If I had lost it, I would have gone to grovel at the person’s feet, taking full responsibility for my wrong and for theirs. Why? Well that is a symptom of codependency. It’s a drive to get people to like and respect me while fixing problems that I didn’t create in the first place. Along with that, codependency tells me that I am usually wrong and the other person is right, even when they treat me (and others) poorly.

What I’ve learned over the years is that there are some people whose hearts are not in the right place. They have an agenda to push and they are going to do so no matter who gets embarrassed or even hurt. I can’t make people like that respect or even like me. I cannot do anything to make them treat me any differently. In fact, there is nothing I can do about it. But that does not let me off the hook. While I am not responsible for the actions of other people, I am responsible for how I respond. I am responsible for making sure that my heart is right and that, in the end, I can walk away knowing that I responded as God wants.

Book Review: Blessed By The Best

Blessed By The Best is a must read for any fan of the Philadelphia Eagles and suggested reading for all NFL fans, giving a glimpse into the life of Hall of Fame safety Brian Dawkins. The full title of the book is Blessed By The Best, My Journey to Canton and Beyond and it is written by Michael Bradley who worked with Brian Dawkins to put together an inspiring book about overcoming physical circumstances as well as emotional turmoil. The book reads as if Dawkins is in the room with you, telling you his life story.

From a writing standpoint this book almost seems as if it is unedited, as if a recording of Dawkins was transcribed word for word. I think this adds to the charm of the book as I really felt that I got to know the character of the man who spent 235 pages telling me about himself, his family, his teammates and most of all about his God. This makes it a fun read which left me looking forward to what Dawkins will do with the rest of his post football life.

I give Blessed By The Best two thumbs up, recommending it for sports fans and for anyone who needs the inspiration of learning from someone who overcame a number of obstacles. I also recommend it for anyone who wants to learn about one man’s spiritual journey, delivered with honesty about his ups and downs as he continues to learn to trust in God.

Blessed By The Best: My Journey To Canton and Beyond by Brian Dawkins with Michael Bradley. Published by Camino Books, Inc. Philadelphia

Joe Gilliam: The First Black Starting QB in the NFL

They made history. Jalen Hurts of the Eagles and Patrick Mahomes of the Chiefs were the two starting quarterbacks in Super Bowl LVII making it the first time that both starting QBs were black. This was something I heard quite a few times leading up to the game and every time I heard an analyst mention that fact I thought of one name: Joe Gilliam.

In 1972 the Pittsburgh Steelers used the 273rd pick to draft Joe Gilliam who, during his college career at Tennessee State, passed for 5,213 yards and 50 touchdowns. While under center he helped his team win two Black College National Championships and his performances earned him induction into the Black College Football Hall of Fame. His on the field play and off the field popularity would earn him the nickname “Jefferson Street Joe,” given to him by one of the school’s coaches (in reference to one of the roads near campus, according to ESPN.com).

Even with his success in college the odds were against Gilliam playing quarterback in the NFL. Back then black college quarterbacks were generally converted to wide receiver however the Steelers, and head coach Chuck Knoll, decided to keep Gilliam at the quarterback position where he served as backup to Hall of Famer Terry Bradshaw.

When the players went on strike in July of 1974 Bradshaw walked the picket line while Gilliam, and many other players around the league, chose to report for preseason training camp. Bradshaw’s absence opened the door for Coach Knoll to start Gilliam and Jefferson Street Joe took full advantage as the Steelers finished the preseason as the only unbeaten team with six wins. His success earned Gilliam the right to start on opening day against the Baltimore Colts. While I’m sure this was controversial, it does not seem as if it was done as a political statement. According to several sources, (including an article on CBSSports.com), Chuck Knoll believed that Gilliam was the best choice and he was not the only one who believed this (more on that later).

There had been other black quarterbacks who started professional football games like Marlin Briscoe who started for the Denver Broncos in 1968 but that was in the AFL before the merger which wasn’t official until 1970. Joe Gilliam was the first black to start at quarterback in the NFL but being first brought with it a certain amount of backlash. Based on the hate mail Gilliam received, it seems NFL fans were not ready to see a black man under center. Still, he would lead the team to a 4-1-1 record before being replaced by Bradshaw who would finish the season by leading the team to a win in Super Bowl IX. Unfortunately, after being benched Gilliam’s life took a turn for the worse, marked by substance abuse and homelessness (according to ESPN.com). He would eventually have to pawn his two Super Bowl rings (both from his time with the Steelers) in order to make ends meet (according to ESPN.com).

I first heard of Joe Gilliam from my uncle who played quarterback for a semi-pro team in Gary Indiana. He spoke of how Joe Gilliam was a better quarterback than Terry Bradshaw, something Bradshaw himself has publicly stated (as reported by CBSSports.com). This led to my first understanding of how blacks were seen in football and in sports: athletic but not smart enough. Knowing this I celebrated when Doug Williams led the Redskins to victory in Super Bowl XXII. I was also proud to see Hurts and Mahomes in this year’s Super Bowl, although I wish the score had gone the other way.

It seems weird to say that in my lifetime the idea of a black quarterback was in general something that was rejected by the league and by fans. I’m glad to see this kind of thinking go out the window as we debate whether or not a black quarterback might one day be crowned the GOAT.

For more on Joe Gilliam see his listing on the Black College Hall of Fame website: https://www.blackcollegefootballhof.org/inductees/joe-gilliam

For the ESPN.com cited in this post:Gilliam had 'given his life to God'  https://www.espn.com/nfl/news/2000/1229/982102.html

For the CBSSports.com article cited in this post: Remember When: Joe Gilliam takes Terry Bradshaw's starting QB job https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/remember-when-joe-gilliam-takes-terry-bradshaws-starting-qb-job/

Is Your Faith Selective?

Sarai believed that it was God who kept her and her husband Abram from having children (Genesis 16:2). Whether her words came from humble adoration or from human frustration, Sarai declared that God was in control. Considering the fact that God had appointed a time for her to have a child (Genesis 21:1-2) she was right in what she believed. The problem comes later in life when she chooses to hold on to this belief while rejecting God’s promise that she would one day have a son.

Yes, God was in control as Sarai and Abram grew old together without the blessing of children. God was still in control when, during a stopover on His way to see Sodom for Himself, the LORD promised that Sarai (at that point having had her name changed to Sarah) would have a son. While it seemed easy for Sarai to believe that God had kept her from having children, Sarah laughed at the idea that God would allow her to have a son in her old age. She chose to believe that God was in control when she could blame Him for her circumstances but when asked to believe what was a seemingly impossible blessing, Sarah could only laugh.

It would be nice if we could choose the things that are easy to believe while ignoring those promises that are more difficult to hold onto but doing so would keep us from growing in the Lord. Like Sarah you might be tempted to laugh or even run from God’s more “difficult”  promises. You may even try to help as Sarah did when she suggested that Abram have a child with Hagar. The best path is always the path of faith, even when God’s words are difficult to believe in. Choose to believe what God says He will do in your life and remind yourself that He always keeps His promises.

See also When Faith Becomes Difficult

Random Thoughts for November 11th, 2022

With this week’s midterm elections completed I thought it might be a good time to bring back something I used to do on occasion which I called Random Thoughts. This week I find myself chuckling at our two main political parties as they each put their own spin on the results. The party that lost ground is touting how successful they are in not losing as much as they thought they would. Meanwhile the party that gained ground is looking for a scapegoat to blame for not gaining as much ground as they thought they would. My spin on the results as well as on the way many of this year’s campaigns were conducted is that the only thing we’ve proven is that some people need to grow up.

I trust that everyone who won did so according to God’s will. This always brings me back to the question of why God allows certain people to serve in government, including people with whom God clearly does not agree. I touched on this back in 2017, asking “Did We Elect A Moses or A Pharaoh.” Even people we wouldn’t dream of putting in office serve the purposes of God. Our duty as Jesus’ followers is to pray for those who serve us in government, whether we agree with them or not.

As a Christian, it’s easy to talk a good game but what happens when life challenges our faith? I talked about this earlier this year in “When Faith Becomes Difficult.” Well, of late a number of things have worked together in my life to make faith become difficult. Several unexpected trials have threatened to trip me up in my Christian walk. Thank God for sending us “another helper,” as Jesus promised in John 14:15-16. This helper reminded me of what I should do during times of trial which boils down to praying and to trusting in the Lord with all of my heart (Proverbs 3:5). I do not understand all that is going on but that’s ok because God understands and is in full control.

Has Marriage Been In Trouble From the Beginning?

It’s a story that all church goers and perhaps most people know. God creates man and woman. Man and woman sin against God by eating from the tree. Man and woman sew fig leaves together and wear clothes for the first time. To be honest, it seems weird that Adam suddenly wanted his wife to put clothes on but I believe this was a sign that things had changed between them. In looking at this change I wonder if this is a sign that marriage has been in trouble from the beginning.

What’s interesting here is that the normal external threats to marriage did not exist yet. Adam and Eve did not have an argument over money or over how to raise the children. Their in-laws were  not an undue influence nor were their neighbors’ lifestyles. Cultural influences were not yet a thing. What led to a change in Adam’s marriage relationship with Eve stems simply from a change in how they were thinking about each other. That change came from the inside, not from the outside, and it’s a change called sin.

In my lifetime I’ve heard the repeated refrain of how a number of external forces are destroying marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to downplay those threats as each carries its own danger for the institution. But I believe the greatest threat to marriage comes from the inside, from wrong attitudes between husbands and wives and from those same couples not being good examples for their children. Because of this, I believe the only way the institution survives is if we see more examples of men and women living up to the high calling of our Creator, knowing who they are in Christ while seeing their spouses through the eyes of God. I believe we need Jesus’ followers being the light they were called to be, both as individuals and as husband and wife.

Boy Did I Mess Up: Struggles with Imposter Syndrome

I was way off my game and boy did I mess up. It happened as I was being challenged by an atheist. It came on a day when I was already feeling a little off and was not handling my own negative feelings very well. When the challenge came, I thought I could find a clever way to back away from the challenge. Instead of being clever, I misspoke and came up looking quite silly. By the end of the conversation I could only think of the line from the DC Talk song “What If I Stumble?” I truly missed my step and felt like I made fools of us all. My mistake was a reminder that as a Christian I do not have it all together and as I pointed out in “Are You An Imposter?,” I sometimes suffer from imposter syndrome.

I wish I could say that was the only time recently when I felt like a fake but I’ve even suffered imposter syndrome while at church. This time those feelings were triggered by two kinds of feedback. I was running the sound board at church during a time when we didn’t realize there was a problem with our speakers. I tried to compensate and, well, the end result was microphone feedback during two different services. After each occurrence I received critical feedback from church members, who meant well…I think. In the end I found myself doubting and once again wondering if I am a fake. This was yet another reminder that I do not have it all together.

I’d love to be able to say that when I became a Christian I was ready for everything that I would face. Looking back over my Christian life there have been plenty of times when I did something that resulted in sheer embarrassment and I’ve lost count of the number of times that those embarrassments came while trying to defend the faith. That’s not a reflection of who I am nor (when it involves the faith) is it a sign that what I believe isn’t true. It’s a sign that life often involves striking out. But a strikeout does not mean I’m an imposter. It means that if we take on big challenges, we will, from time to time, fail but that really is okay.