Fear of Facing Our Own Shortcomings

I keep a journal where I have become comfortable with being brutally honest with myself. I am also in the habit of going back and reading old entries in this journal which means my younger self gets the chance to be brutally honest with me right now. This happened recently when I came across one of my journal entries in which I wrote about my own pride and my own insecurities. What stood out as I read my own writings was how easy it was to turn the focus on the actions of others. I even wrote a blog post in which I talked about how Christians should deal with someone else’s pride. And while I believe what I wrote on that post to be true, it left out something very important. Sometimes we’re the one with the pride problem or with some other character flaw. And while it is true that our brothers and sisters in Christ should prayerfully and patiently guide us, at some point, when confronted with our own shortcomings, we have to choose to surrender ourselves to the Lord and to allow Him to work in us to get rid of the problem.

My original post was called “Pride or Termites: How Christians Respond to the Problem” in which I described how pride often is a mask covering the real problem of insecurity. I described how we can deal with this real problem in the lives of others instead of knocking them down for the pride that is only a symptom of something bigger. But even if we are prayerfully in full alignment with God, the simple fact is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Likewise, a brother/sister in Christ can help you see you have a problem but they can’t make YOU do anything about it.

Back when I wrote the termite post I was ready to admit my own pride but I was not ready to do anything about it. It was much easier to turn the focus towards someone else in the form of, “this is what THEY should do,” with the “THEY” being the rest of the church. I should have been asking myself and writing about what I should do. I write this now because I believe this should be a routine aspect of the Chrisitian walk and I am being brutally honest with myself again. Instead of looking at others, Chistians (with an emphasis on me this time) should be talking about what we should do. What should I do when God reveals an area of pride in my own heart? It all starts with yielding to God and being the person He has created me to be.

What Motivates You on Your Christian Walk?

It’s a complaint that I hear all too often, where someone talks about how they struggle to find reasons to do “Christian things.” I heard it again recently while listening to a podcast where the person being interviewed spoke about how they used to live as if they were going down a checklist of what a good Christian should do. Usually this kind of conversation ends in one of two ways. Either the person completely leaves the faith or they continue to call themselves a believer but one who has discovered some “new” free way to live out their faith. Often this new way leaves the door open for doing things the way they want without checking to see if it is okay with God. Whenever I hear about these checklist Christians it reminds me of my past, back when the motivation for my Christian walk was more dogmatic than it was a loving relationship. That “checklist” part of my life was dry, empty and, to be honest, no different than the codependency I lived in as a teen.

Yes, I was once one of those kinds of people, living as a “perfect” example of a Christian. I read the Bible twice per day, protecting my devotional times with a passion that must have impressed even the biggest zealot. I was determined to get it right, making sure I worked my way through my checklist each and every day. And each and every day I would battle with that voice that said, “Is this all there is?” In those moments when I was honest with myself I knew that I didn’t feel any different than before I was a Christian, which was okay because I had been taught that it was about faith, not feelings. And by the end of each day I would find myself feeling just as sad and just as lost as ever, questioning whether or not this Christian thing really worked.

I believe that I was a saved Christian back in those days, having accepted Christ by faith, but I was not living in the abundance promised by Jesus. The Christian life is not a life of doing what one is supposed to do, which is where many of us begin and continue. As we grow and mature, our actions should more and more come from a response to God’s presence and from a growing love for our Savior. Our day to day activities result from being free to choose what is right and not from the bondage of religious dos and don’ts. From an activity stand point it might not look any different from someone who is checking things off of their Christian list but on the inside it is significantly different. How different is it? It is the difference between feeling like there is a dry river bed inside and the feeling of having a fountain of water springing up inside (John 4:14).

Yes, Jesus came to show and teach us how we should live and we should obey His words. But what motivates you on your Christian walk? Does your motivation allow you to experience the fullness available to everyone, not by works, but by faith in Christ Jesus?

See also:

Serving Without Knowing God 

What Drives Your Christian Testimony?

A Religious Exercise or An Act of Love?