Will The Church Be A Source of Hope?

Back in 2020 I wrote a post asking “Is The Church Still A Source of Hope?” Today I find myself once again thinking about this question, wondering if the church will be a source of hope if Roe v. Wade is overturned. For the record, this is not a post about the Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice debate nor will I comment on the leaked Supreme Court Document and its implications. My intention with this post is to get you to think about how you will respond to women in need if abortion is no longer an option in your state. Will you (and your church) be a source of hope?

Since news broke of the leaked document I’ve heard a lot about what women will lose if the court votes as indicated. The picture painted by the Pro-Choice side is that the court is planning to take away a source of hope for women and perhaps in the future more minority groups will lose the hope given them by various court rulings. There seems to be a lot of fear of what might happen and of what the path we seem to be on will mean for our future.

As I pointed out in 2020, God’s church is called to be the salt of the earth. Jesus expects us to touch the community around us, making situations more palatable by showing others the hope that is only available from God. I believe that means rising above political debate in order to help those who are in need. In this case that means helping women see that nine months of pregnancy does not mean the end of life. We must be willing now to roll up our sleeves in order to offer hope and to show that in Christ the future is bright.

Some would say that if the court votes as indicated in the leaked document, the church has won a victory. Will the church respond by being poor winners or will we continue (or perhaps once again become) the source of hope that God intends for us to be?

How God Blessed Us in November 2019

Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS from Pexels

Jesus said that the angels who are charged with watching over children have unlimited access to God’s throne (Matthew 18:10). I take great comfort in knowing God watches over my family. And when one of my sons has to deal with life's difficulties, I get the blessing of seeing how God keeps His promises in their lives.

Due in part to a miscommunication, one of my sons saw a door close on an opportunity. He was understandably disappointed. I thank God that my sons are both comfortable with sharing their hurts with me. I also thank God for reminding us both of His promise that all things work for our good (Romans 8:28). After a few days God opened a door and my son got to see God at work. I was reminded that the best thing I can do for my sons is to trust their future into the hands of my Lord.

Every one of God's promises is an opportunity for us to be blessed. They are also opportunities for us to teach others how to recognize God's blessings. In November I was blessed by seeing God's promise fulfilled as a blessing in my son's life. How have you been blessed? Have you seen God"s promises fulfilled? Tell me on Twitter (@denniscoleman) or via email. I would love to hear what God is doing in your life.

How God Blessed Me in October 2019

Wisdom is a great blessing and God blessed me in abundance during the month of October starting with a comment made by one of my sons. We were sitting at the dining room table doing homework when he asked why I make school sound like the most important thing in life. Several knee jerk reactions came to mind but I managed to bite my tongue. Then I really thought about his question and I realized I'd made a huge mistake.

Is school important? Yes it is but it is not the most important thing in life. In fact I can think of a number of things that are more important like family and even healthy relationships outside the family. Health (both physical and mental) is also more important than school. I suspect my son was telling me (right or wrong) that my emphasis on school work was not good for his mental health. Above all else there is nothing of greater importance than nurturing an intimate relationship with God. In fact without God the life of the greatest academic sounds like an empty pursuit.

I apologized to my son for giving him the wrong impression and we talked a little of how we must keep things in the right perspective. Yes school is important but it is not the most important thing in life. It took a word of wisdom from my son to help me see the truth. I thank God for blessing me with both my son and His wisdom.

"Happy is the man who finds wisdom,

And the man who gains understanding;

For her proceeds are better 

than the profits of silver,

And her gain than fine gold."

Proverbs 3:13-14 (NKJV)

My day job sits near a satellite office for one of our local children's hospital. From time to time this affords the opportunity to watch parents interact with their children. While getting lunch one day I saw a father and daughter holding hands as they walked down the sidewalk. I could tell by how the toddler's feet moved that she likely is a special needs blessing. Father and daughter seemed to be enjoying each other as they stopped to look at a statue and then stopped again to look at something on the sidewalk.

As I watched I realized how self centered I am. My first thought was of how I would handle my child's future if one were special needs. Forgive me. My next thought was of my son's question about school. Sometimes the wisdom I need is the wisdom to truly evaluate myself. I needed wisdom to understand that my emphasis on certain things are not always about what's best for others. Often they are about what looks best on me. Too bad they can't really cover my flaws.

I value the wisdom God gave during the month of October. I was truly blessed. How has God been blessing you? Tell me on Twitter (@denniscoleman) or via email. I would love to hear what God is doing in your life.

Are Schools Talking With Or Digitally Talking At Parents?

Photo by Nguyen Nguyen from Pexels

It's amazing how much things have changed since I was in school. Back then we brought home test papers for our parents to sign. That was a lot of fun when I got an "A", not so much when I got an "F". Now everything is electronic, with an email at the end of the week telling me what my child may or may not want me to know. To be honest I'd rather schools go back to having me sign tests. At least then I might actually know what’s going on.

Yes, I understand that we live in the information age but there is a point where information becomes useless. At least when kids bring papers home I can see what they are having trouble with. An email with a grade tells me little to nothing. I've even had times when the weekly email gave the wrong impression, like when one of my sons seemingly failed a test in a class where he would normally get straight A's. Turns out he missed one question in one section on the test. Because the section only had two questions, missing one meant getting an "F" on that section. I was left scratching my head until I learned he had gotten an "A" overall on the test.

In this digital age I see grades without context. I can't tell if my sons are struggling because they don't understand one topic or if something else is going on. In effect the schools send me more information while managing to leave me out of the loop. This leaves me learning a new way to read, one that allows for understanding the new tech school information system. Ultimately though, I have found an old tech solution to the problem. Each day after work and school we having a “debriefing session” where we talk about each class. With all of the avenues for getting real time information, the best answer is still an old fashioned conversation.

As a parent, do you like the new tech ways used by schools to send information? Do you feel like you are part of a conversation with your school or do you feel like they are electronically talking at you?

Back To School? I Miss Summer Already

Shubham1khatri [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)]

The kids look so sad. Meanwhile mom is riding up and down the aisles on the back of a shopping cart. This was how one office supply chain painted back to school shopping a few years ago. The children in the commercial looked as if one of their pets had recently died. Meanwhile mom must have just hit the lottery. (Of course, what we don't see is the sticker shock suffered when she reaches the cash register.) Personally I've never experienced the euphoria of back to school shopping. I'm more like the children, morning the end of summer and of the break from having my schedule dictated by the school calendar. As a result, back to school time is not a season I choose to celebrate.

I will especially miss summer 2019. I can't pinpoint why but somehow this summer was different. Somehow I seemed to enjoy the blessings of life more than I have in the past. I was able to enjoy family time more than in the past. I took time to notice the different shades of blue in the morning sky as the days grew longer and then, after June,  started to grow shorter. And, although it seemed like it rained every third day during the first half of the season, there were quite a few dry days when I enjoyed a two wheel commute instead of four. But all of that was there in years past. What was different this year?

Well, though it pains me to admit, this year I am (gulp) a bit older and perhaps a bit wiser. With wisdom comes the realization that some things just aren't that important. And somethings that are important must fall in line behind God, family, health and admiring a blue sky. This summer was different because I was wise enough to be a human being instead of a human doing. Now the goal is to continue living even as homework and PTO/PTA beckon. If you need me I'm the guy on the motorcycle looking up at the sky at a red light while raising my arms towards heaven.

How God Blessed Me in June 2019

The Christian life is one of experiencing the presence of God. His presence is seen in a series of both big and small events, orchestrated by His hand as He works to make us more like Himself. One or two “acts of God” are not enough to see His presence, as all but the most miraculous come with other possible explanations. Only as we pull back looking at the big picture of the entirety of the Christian walk will we see the author behind the story. Otherwise, based on one “blessing” or just a single testimony of what the Lord has done, we might dismiss His actions as coincidence or as a logical occurrence.

From time to time I would like to share situations from my life where I believe God is at work. I encourage skeptics and believers to consider these as a growing narration not as single isolated events. I acknowledge that the testimony of one thing that happened can be dismissed. What then do we say of a lifetime of multiple testimonies?

Last month I shared how God blessed me and my family in the two previous months. Here I would like to share a few things God pulled off during the month of June.

I suspect every follower of Jesus has had that moment when they felt compelled to do something, believing they are being “moved by the Spirit.” Some even speak of how God speaks to them, encouraging them to do something they would not have done otherwise.

That Last Bit of Homework
With a little more than a week left in the school year one of my sons was studying for a test. He logged onto Google Classroom where he found the study materials, including a study guide where he needed to fill in a number of blanks. Initially we were not going to print out this guide but something inside lead me to believe we should. We did so and he answered the questions, taking the pages with him to school the next day in order to continue studying.

In class his teacher asked everyone to turn in their homework. None of the students knew what the teacher was talking about so he put a picture of the first page up on the board. This is when my son realized it was the study guide he had completed and was carrying in his bag. He was the only one in the class who turned in his work.

The Cost of Auto Maintenance and God’s Open Wallet
June is car inspection month in our household. This year, inspection time meant three major repairs on our two cars. We knew we would have to make two of those, but the third was a complete surprise. God provided for all three. He also revealed how He will provide for a conference we would like to attend this month. Time and again God has provided for all of our needs and even for a number of our wants. I rest knowing He will continue to provide as we move forward.

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
As a parent of two teenagers we deal with a lot of emotional ups and downs. Unfortunately there are times when other adults (teachers, coaches) are not always helpful in dealing with the teenage psyche. In this case something was said (by a person in authority) to one of our sons that the person should have kept to themselves. My son did not want to repeat what was said, leaving us in the dark. Internalizing what was said drew my son into a few day’s depression. Fortunately God knows how to bring the truth out into the open. He directed us in how to deal with our son and is in the process of healing. This was a reminder of the great advantage that comes with being able to discuss parenting with our creator.

These are just a few of the many blessings we enjoyed in June. How has God blessed you?

Should I Hate Mr. Ratburn Now?

Arthur (the children’s cartoon on PBS) was a fixture in our household for a number of years. Both of my children enjoyed watching and we even had a few of the books in our home library. I suspect my entire family can still sing the theme song. I certainly know it by heart. Arthur was a safe place to learn about manners and about handling bullies. With a cast made up of a number of different types of animals the cartoon was also a safe place to learn how people who are different can get along. But Arthur’s 22nd season began with a twist, one with which I suspect Christian parents will struggle. How we handle this twist will shape the beliefs of our children. Our responses will also affect how the church is seen from the outside.

This plot twist involves Mr. Ratburn, a third grade teacher who has been a part of the cartoon since its start. For twenty one seasons Mr. Ratburn has been a calm (but not perfect) mentor to the students of his class, representing an adult point of view for dealing with the ups and downs of being a child. This year we learn something about Mr. Ratburn which to my knowledge has never been talked about in any other episode. In this season’s premier episode Mr. Ratburn marries an aardvark: an aardvark who showed up for the wedding in a suit and tie.

So, how should followers of Christ deal with this plot twist? The knee jerk reaction is one of anger, lashing out at the show and its writers. I think this is the wrong response. For 21 years there was nothing wrong with the cartoon (aside from controversy over an episode of its spin-off “Postcards from Buster”). If parents suddenly slam the door on the series we send the message that Christians are afraid of and/or hate people who, in real life, are like Mr. Ratburn. We leave our own children with the wrong impression of how they should deal with real world issues. We also send the wrong message to people outside the church to whom we are called to minister. In order to avoid sending the wrong message believers should avoid the knee jerk reaction we are told we must have, choosing instead to trust God’s Spirit to give us the words we need in order to minister instead of trying to fight back. In other words we need to have a conversation with our children and with others who might be curious about our views.

Yes, I am certain that Mr. Ratburn’s wedding is meant to deliver a certain point of view, one that is at odds with the Christian faith. But we are told that our battle is not with flesh and blood. And so we must avoid the temptation to fight back out of a spirit of fear and hate, choosing instead the wisdom and love that can only come from our relationship with Christ. We must respond by being the light both in our homes and in our community.

No, I do not hate Mr. Ratburn. Nor should you.

Do you watch tv with your children?

On the day I finished this post I read about an Alabama PBS station which refused to show the episode. In their explanation they spoke of how parents trust PBS to provide programming that is safe for children to watch alone. I never trusted PBS or any other station, choosing to watch with my children. In fact even if the programming was “Christian programming,” I watched. (I know a lot of VeggieTales songs by heart.) I felt safer doing this and it gave opportunity to bond with my children.

Here is a link to a post where, while watching tv with one of my children, I found myself asking, Have We Lost Our True Heroes?

As A Parent, Saying "No!" Is Easy. What Comes Next Is Hard

I had to say, “No,” a few times over the weekend. It's a word I’ve grown accustomed to after close to two decades of being a parent. In my early years I felt bad when I said that word. It felt like I was failing to meet some need or like I was selfishly rejecting my own offspring. Have you ever felt that way when saying, “No,” to your kids? After spending way too much on Christmas present a few years ago and watching the toy grow cobwebs, I realized a line had to be drawn. "No," became a regular part of my parenting arsenal, one I now use with no regret whatsoever. But while saying no is easy, knowing what to do next is the hard part.

Most of the time my children are (thankfully) ok with the word "no." They leave feeling a bit disappointed but they live. Occasionally they beg or try to ask for the same thing in different way but these attempts are easily dispatched. Every now and then I get a response like what one I got this weekend: sulking and visibly showing frustration over not getting their own way. This is something that comes with the territory of raising a teen and a preteen. Knowing how to handle this kind of response is where parents earn their stripes.

My mom would have gotten angry. Based on comments made by relatives and older friends over the years, my mom's response was once considered the norm. A few years ago it would have been the norm in my household as well. But then I looked at my goals as a parent and found they were not being met.

So I changed tactics. No I do not try to become philosophical nor do I speak to my children as if they are my friends. I do however ask them, “What’s going on?” From there we talk about more appropriate ways to handle disappointments and the difference between that and feeling frustrated. What used to lead to a confrontation now becomes a teachable moment.

I put this out there not to brag but to ask how other parents handle what comes after the word "No." If you are a parent do you find it easy to say "no"? How do you handle the moment after the "no" has been delivered?

Mr. Incredible, Real Life Fatherhood and an Explosion of Straws

"Why would they change math? Math is math!" Mr. Incredible

I took my family to see “Incredibles 2” this past Father's Day. We all enjoyed the first movie and had hoped to see a sequel. When Disney announced movie 2 we knew we had to see it as soon as possible. I also had an ulterior motive in going to see the film. After reading one or two critiques which said the film portrays dads (represented by Mr. Incredible) in a negative light, I wanted to see for myself if this was yet another bad dad film. Considering the movie takes place in 1962 when family roles were a lot different than today, I was pleasantly surprised by a realistic portrayal (at least in my experience) of what it's like to be dad.

For the record "Incredibles 2" is an entertaining, though somewhat predictable movie. The action sequences are a lot of fun and while this is a superhero movie, it does a great job of poking fun at everyday life. Incredibles 2 picks up where its predecessor left off, in the parking lot right after Dash's track meet. Though the supers once again save the day, the world would still rather they stay in hiding. Against this backdrop Elastigirl is offered a job where she can fight crime while changing perceptions about supers.

Mom's new job means a number of changes in the family, including Mr. Incredible taking on a new role as a stay at home dad. I doubt this was very common in 1962. Back then most dads worked and would have scoffed at staying home with the children. There would have been bruised egos and a lack of know how if they were forced to take on the task. When judged by 2018 standards of course Mr. Incredible looks bad. I also suspect fifty-six years from now we will look like we didn’t have a clue to those looking back upon history.

With a precocious super powered baby, a moody teen whose having boy troubles and a son learning elementary school New Math, dad is in over his head. And yes he does make some silly mistakes, in at least one case making matters worse. He loses sleep. Eventually he loses his temper. He has to turn to Edna Mode and Frozone for help. For most of the movie it looks as if he is failing at his job. And as he struggles to figure it all out his day begins to look very familiar.

As any parent will tell you, when you are running late something will come up missing. Once when we were running late for my older son’s football picture day, he couldn't find his cleats. As we searched for the cleats my younger son discovered a box of 1000 drinking straws. Unfortunately toddlers (which he was at the time) are not good at opening boxes. Somehow he ripped the box in half sending the straws all over the family room. The sight of my son surrounded by a sea of straws would have made for a good picture had I had time to get my camera. It also made for a good laugh, which I would have enjoyed if not for the sound of my dog throwing up in the dining room.

I now had missing cleats, straws on the floor and vomit to clean up. There was only time to take care of two problems. I left the straws knowing I could explain things to my wife when she showed up for the football game. There was only one flaw in my plan and boy was it a big one. Instead of going straight to the field, like she said she was going to do, my wife decided to go home where she discovered that we no longer had any clean straws. In hindsight I should have cleaned up the straws and left the vomit. I could have then denied having any knowledge of the dog throwing up, which would have kept me out of the dog house.

Like Mr. Incredible I have made many mistakes while taking care of my children. Yes at times the house turns into a chaotic mess but eventually everything gets cleaned up. We found the cleats and on other occasions the remote, or whatever other item becomes lost at inopportune times. The children forgive me when I mishandle situations with their friends. Eventually even my wife learns to laugh at things, that is after she cleans up after me (just kidding). The same was true for the Parr family in “Incredibles 2,” where the kids survive Mr. Incredible's mistakes. Eventually one even compliments the job he does being dad.

“Incredibles 2” is not a disparaging portrayal of a father. It is an animated telling of what it's like for real dads, both in the 1960’s and today. We do our best, which often is less than perfect. Eventually we figure some of it out and everyone survives. But I still don't know why they would change math!

Spontaneous or Planned Bedtime Prayer?

“Now I lay me down to sleep…”

If you grew up in a Christian home there’s a good chance your childhood bedtime routine included prayer with your parents. Perhaps you routinely prayed something like the words written above or maybe your prayer involved giving thanks for all the good things that happened that day. Some of us prayed at the side of our beds with our parents. Others prayed while in bed, mom or dad sitting on the edge of the bed. It was all part of a very comforting routine, an expectation in any “good” Christian household.

As a parent of teenaged boys I no longer can get away with the old wrote repetition prayers. How do I keep the routine going without it ringing hollow, nothing more than a habit passed along by tradition? Perhaps I should plan what we will say each night, avoiding the memorized prayers in order to bring something of substance before the throne of grace. If not a planned prayer, perhaps bedtime should involve something more spontaneous and less routine. After all, payer is a conversation with God. I do not want my kids asking me the same question over and over again night after night. Why would God want to hear the same non-petition night after night after night?

Of course the old standby routine prayers are good for helping younger children establish the habit of going to God in prayer. Yet, as they get older it seems like there is a need for something else. A little planning and a lot of listening can become an avenue for helping them learn to open their hearts to God. With the opportunity to speak openly with him about the things in life that concern them, perhaps prayer might become more real and meaningful. As a parent, spontaneous prayer might even afford the opportunity to get to know my children a little better by hearing what they lift up to God in prayer.

Moving forward our bedtime prayers are going to be a lot less routine. Some nights I will think ahead of time about concerns the children have expressed or about things that are on my heart concerning them. At other times we will just wing it, saying whatever is on our hearts. Whether planned ahead of time or spontaneous, our prayers will not follow the same wrote pattern of the past. I look forward to seeing how God responds as my children learn to earnestly seek him.

What do you think and what is involved in your family’s bedtime routine?

Praying for Obstacles in the Life of Your Children

Once when asked what I thought was the most important goal in bringing up children I said, somewhat tongue in cheek, preparing children to get out. I suspect the mom who asked wanted something else. Her response made it sound as if she was somewhat appalled at my answer. I suppose had I said smother them with love, or direct them with strict/less strict discipline she would not have had a problem. Perhaps she was looking for something profound about ways to teach kids to live by faith. All this and more is a part of preparing a child to live on their own, as is one of the most difficult parts of raising children: letting them face difficult challenges as they grow into adults who are ready to handle life on their own.

My sons, both of  whom are very athletic, have faced their share of challenges on and off the field, including a season ending injury suffered by one a few years ago. What we thought would be a short time on the sidelines turned into several months of no activity. This was followed by months of trying to get back into shape. Like any good Christian parent, I prayed for quick healing but the recovery time was anything but quick. I was left struggling with why God would allow an injury of this kind and why we would have to go through such a trial. (Trust me, a child’s injury is a trial for the entire family.) As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I wondered why God was taking so long to answer.

For the record, I do not believe God causes injuries. I do believe He uses them, and other trials, as tools for growth. And so, though it was a difficult time for us all, I am thankful for what my son learned (not for the injury itself but for the lessons). The list of life lessons learned during his recovery is long, beginning with a lesson in perseverance when the odds turn negative. My son will be a better person because of these lessons. I have already seen them come into play in his young life. Where I wanted a quick recovery, God used the situation in a way I never would have thought of on my own.

I still believe the most important goal in parenting is to prepare children for their future when they will no longer live at home. There is a lot involved in this process, including (for believers in Christ) teaching them about the faith. Those lessons, as well as lessons in how to handle adversity, are not strengthened by sheltering kids or by solving problems for them. God understands this, which I suspect is why when we pray for our children to have a smooth day, God sometimes responds by saying no. Trials and obstacles help build faith. So now, instead of asking God to give my children a great day, I ask God to give them the day they need to become the people He wants them to become, even the obstacles. I ask God to prepare my children to get out.

Have We Lost Our True Heroes?

From time to time I like to watch tv (actually more often YouTube) with my sons. I want to know what they are watching and what influence the programming will have on my kids and on their peers. Recently I watched an episode of a show which left me in complete shock. The show's heroes were looking for a way to help a friend. In the end they chose to rob a bank, framing an adversary for the crime. After surprising my son by calling the heroes the bad guys, I had to explain how a true hero would never rob a bank. The conversation left me pondering a question: one I would like to ask you now. Have we lost our true heroes?

This is something I find myself thinking about ever since watching a PBS series covering the history of television. In one of the episodes the show's creators looked at the evolution of the television hero. Early heroes were clearly defined, often wearing white and always doing what's right. Over the decades our heroes have become more "real" which tends to translate into more flawed. As a result our heroes have picked up a tendency of wrestling with internal moral dilemmas almost as often as they wrestle with bad guys.

The PBS episode talked about a number of different heroes over the years, many of which were characters I grew up watching. My earliest memories of tv heroes were of Superman and of the Lone Ranger, though I watched them in rerun. There were people like Speed Racer, who occasionally made a wrong decision or two but always had his heart in the right place. The PBS series moved from these types of heroes to people like Hawkeye Pierce on MASH, who once performed an unnecessary surgery in order to get an inept officer off the battlefield. This moral dilemma challenged the viewer to decide if it is right to do wrong if doing so would save lives.

The PBS episode ended by talking about the show “Dexter” in which the hero kills bad guys who would have otherwise escaped justice. The official webpage for the show describes Dexter as a crime solver by day and serial killer by night. As the local forensics expert, he is able to hide his crimes from the investigators with whom he works. I have only watched one episode of Dexter which I admit I found entertaining. It is also perhaps one of the most challenging programs in which to find a true hero. Even Dexter struggles with whether or not his life as a vigilante is acceptable and so should the viewer.

While I understand the entertainment value of having a hero who also qualifies as a bad guy, the trend is still troubling especially in a show aimed at kids like the one with our friendly neighborhood bank robbers. The target audience for Dexter is old enough to process whether or not the ends justifies the means. And while most kids understand that robbing a bank is wrong, the message sent when the "heroes" are the robbers is not the one we need today. When this is what we present as good we lose something important. We lose our heroes and in the process we lose our children.

Can Parents Inspire Buzzer-Beater Confidence?

Dr. James Naismith - Public domain via Wikimedia Commons

What a game, one we are still buzzing about here in the Philadelphia area. I can still picture that shot going down, the backboard framed in red lights signifying the end of the half. Hitting nothing but net Kris Jenkins came through for his team. With that the Wildcats, after coming together as a team during the season and making a great tournament run, were crowned national champions. As I remember the shot I find myself wondering what I can do to inspire my children to have the confidence to step up when the pressure is on.

I know each child is different and each will respond to pressure by performing to the best of their ability. But are there things parents can do to make sure those abilities are not lost behind a wall of doubt? How can parents nurture children in such a way as to encourage them to take the last minute shot or to be ready for that crucial at bat? Can we do things that give children the courage to take on the challenge that comes with being first chair in the orchestra or of solving the world's most pressing problems? I believe confidence can be made or broken at home and we parents have a huge say in the outcome.

How do we build a home where confidence has what is needed to bloom? The obvious first step is to offer unconditional love and security. Children must know they are loved and must find the home to be a safe secure place no matter what happens outside. Children must know that their parent's love remains strong no matter how big the failure. They must be assured that failure will not become their identity in the family, which will help them keep it from becoming their identity outside the home. I believe this frees children to go out and take risks, knowing that love is not what's on the line.

Now it's your turn. I hope from time to time to open a door where I can learn from you the reader. What ingredients do you believe help in growing a confident child? Please leave a message here on my blog or on twitter where I can be found @denniswcoleman.

When Is The Right Bed Time?

Is the discipline of a child's bed time slowly going away? It would seem that way based on the questions I face most nights. Often, as I turn out the lights, my son asks why he must go to bed "early" when his friends all get to stay up. This is my second go-round with this type of questioning, having dealt with it with my older son when he was still in elementary school. Then, as now, I wonder if as a parent I have become too old fashioned or are other parents just being troublemakers by letting their kids stay up?

Public Domain Picture
Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

I remember having a bed time routine as a child. My routine started in the bathtub where I was allowed to play for a few minutes before having to soap up. I had two rubber sharks, each about six inches long. And while the theme from the movie "Jaws" was known for scaring people out of the water, I found it to be a soothing alternative to the quiet sound of being alone in a bathroom.

After my bath, and my half-hearted attempt to clean the tub, came time to get dressed and brush my teeth. Once my parents were satisfied that I had in fact applied enough fluoride, we would move to my room and to my favorite part of the night: story time. Even after I had grown too old to be read to I enjoyed using that time to read to myself or to imagine my own stories and adventures. What I did not enjoy was that moment when it came time to turn out the lights.

I admit there is a part of me that sympathizes with my son. His complaints bring back memories of that time when I thought "bed time" a dirty word. Now the kid who used to chafe under what I saw as unfair restrictions is the one in charge of enforcement. This task would be much easier if all those other parents would fall in line by putting their kids to bed on time. But even as I tuck him in I find myself wondering if his friends really are staying up late or is he exaggerating as I did as a child, telling my parents how my friends got to stay up. Good thing they never asked for names.

Could it be true that the other children get to stay up late? Are we moving towards a time when children no longer have a set time to go to bed? If you are a parent, do you still attempt to get your children in bed on time?