The Battle Between My Ears

The end of 2024 is fast approaching which means it is time to update my ten year plan. This also means setting goals for 2025: goals that will help me take a step or two forward along my chosen path. I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions, although I guess in a way some of my goals fit the bill. But whether I call them goals or resolutions, I face the same problem that I hear others talking about year after year as we all take on new challenges without giving in by Quitters Day, something I only recently learned was a thing. (In 2025 it occurs on January 10th.)

Setting goals is a relatively new thing for me. I think I made my first serious attempt at creating a ten year plan at the end of 2017. It sounds funny to admit that I never set any real goals for the first fifty years of my life but before then I simply did what others said was best for me. I suspect this was a direct result of growing up as a codependent, where my mom’s alcoholism too often derailed my attempts at achieving something in life. Codependency meant giving up trying to succeed back when I was a teen, becoming convinced that setting goals would only remind me that I was a failure. (I didn’t understand it back then but a lot of that came from the toxic language that was the norm in my home, especially on the days that the bottle was in control.) By letting others direct my path, I could blame them when I failed even though that really did not help me feel any better about the results.

By 2017 I was ready to set real goals but I was not ready to achieve those goals. All too often I lost the battle between my ears. This battle came in the form of an internal voice which generally focused on my fears and my own perceived limitations. As a Christian, I often encouraged others to believe that God would bless them and that they could do all things through Christ who strengthens them (Philippians 4:13). At the same time I often talked myself out of living with that kind of faith, allowing that voice to have too much control even as I recognized that it was an echo of my life before I became a Christian. As a result I fell short when it came to achieving my goals and in moving forward in life according to the will of God.

This internal, codependent, and negative voice talked me out of doing the things that I said I wanted to do, while talking me into wasting time with things that often derailed my progress. Fortunately I’ve learned to argue with this voice, talking myself into doing the things that I know will help me achieve my goals. I’ve found that for me the, “...all things in Christ…,” begins with being able to win the battle between my own ears. God has freed me from bondage to that voice and He has also empowered me to move forward where I once held myself back. Now I am free of the excuses and of blaming others and I am ready to follow God’s perfect will for my life.

With this change in my own thinking I am prepared to update my ten year plan and to set my goals for 2025. Up until now my track record has not been great but as I win my own internal battle I expect that the results in 2025 will be something to brag about by this time next year.

Diabetes: A Journey, Not A Battle

It’s been a while since I posted anything about having diabetes. As you can tell from the title of this post, I’ve changed my point of view. No longer do I see myself in a battle against something. Instead I see myself as on a journey and Diabetes is a traveling companion sent to teach me a few things along the way. No, that does not mean I’ve walked away from my goal which is to start seeing health numbers that look, “normal.” But now I’ve taken advice from another Christian who taught about how a much more serious illness was in fact working to disciple him in his walk as a Christian.

Before I mention where I am on my journey I want to mention that the American Diabetes Association released its, “Standards of Care in Diabetes - 2025,” which includes, “Consideration of continuous glucose monitor (CGM) use for adults with type 2 diabetes on glucose-lowering agents other than insulin.” This reminded me of my post, “Continuous Glucose Monitors Are Game Changers,” where I wrote about how, “...living with diabetes and not having a CGM was living with one hand tied behind my back.” I believe a CGM should become a part of the standard of care for most, if not all diabetics, so it was good to see the American Diabetes Association recommend this in their standards.

With the help of my CGM my last blood test was very good. My fasting glucose reading was a 98 with an A1c of 6.5. That’s still in the diabetic range but only by 0.1. My goal for my next check is to get my A1c below 6.3 which would be the equivalent of being in a prediabetic stage. In the meantime, my companion on this journey has helped teach me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I’ve also learned the importance of getting enough protein in my diet and how small changes in my daily habits can pay off with huge rewards.

I’m looking forward to 2025 and to a blood test where every measure is in the green. As I approach that goal, my journey and my learning continue with thanksgiving to God.

Fear of Facing Our Own Shortcomings

I keep a journal where I have become comfortable with being brutally honest with myself. I am also in the habit of going back and reading old entries in this journal which means my younger self gets the chance to be brutally honest with me right now. This happened recently when I came across one of my journal entries in which I wrote about my own pride and my own insecurities. What stood out as I read my own writings was how easy it was to turn the focus on the actions of others. I even wrote a blog post in which I talked about how Christians should deal with someone else’s pride. And while I believe what I wrote on that post to be true, it left out something very important. Sometimes we’re the one with the pride problem or with some other character flaw. And while it is true that our brothers and sisters in Christ should prayerfully and patiently guide us, at some point, when confronted with our own shortcomings, we have to choose to surrender ourselves to the Lord and to allow Him to work in us to get rid of the problem.

My original post was called “Pride or Termites: How Christians Respond to the Problem” in which I described how pride often is a mask covering the real problem of insecurity. I described how we can deal with this real problem in the lives of others instead of knocking them down for the pride that is only a symptom of something bigger. But even if we are prayerfully in full alignment with God, the simple fact is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Likewise, a brother/sister in Christ can help you see you have a problem but they can’t make YOU do anything about it.

Back when I wrote the termite post I was ready to admit my own pride but I was not ready to do anything about it. It was much easier to turn the focus towards someone else in the form of, “this is what THEY should do,” with the “THEY” being the rest of the church. I should have been asking myself and writing about what I should do. I write this now because I believe this should be a routine aspect of the Chrisitian walk and I am being brutally honest with myself again. Instead of looking at others, Chistians (with an emphasis on me this time) should be talking about what we should do. What should I do when God reveals an area of pride in my own heart? It all starts with yielding to God and being the person He has created me to be.