Once when asked what I thought was the most important goal in bringing up children I said, somewhat tongue in cheek, preparing children to get out. I suspect the mom who asked wanted something else. Her response made it sound as if she was somewhat appalled at my answer. I suppose had I said smother them with love, or direct them with strict/less strict discipline she would not have had a problem. Perhaps she was looking for something profound about ways to teach kids to live by faith. All this and more is a part of preparing a child to live on their own, as is one of the most difficult parts of raising children: letting them face difficult challenges as they grow into adults who are ready to handle life on their own.
My sons, both of whom are very athletic, have faced their share of challenges on and off the field, including a season ending injury suffered by one a few years ago. What we thought would be a short time on the sidelines turned into several months of no activity. This was followed by months of trying to get back into shape. Like any good Christian parent, I prayed for quick healing but the recovery time was anything but quick. I was left struggling with why God would allow an injury of this kind and why we would have to go through such a trial. (Trust me, a child’s injury is a trial for the entire family.) As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I wondered why God was taking so long to answer.
For the record, I do not believe God causes injuries. I do believe He uses them, and other trials, as tools for growth. And so, though it was a difficult time for us all, I am thankful for what my son learned (not for the injury itself but for the lessons). The list of life lessons learned during his recovery is long, beginning with a lesson in perseverance when the odds turn negative. My son will be a better person because of these lessons. I have already seen them come into play in his young life. Where I wanted a quick recovery, God used the situation in a way I never would have thought of on my own.
I still believe the most important goal in parenting is to prepare children for their future when they will no longer live at home. There is a lot involved in this process, including (for believers in Christ) teaching them about the faith. Those lessons, as well as lessons in how to handle adversity, are not strengthened by sheltering kids or by solving problems for them. God understands this, which I suspect is why when we pray for our children to have a smooth day, God sometimes responds by saying no. Trials and obstacles help build faith. So now, instead of asking God to give my children a great day, I ask God to give them the day they need to become the people He wants them to become, even the obstacles. I ask God to prepare my children to get out.
