Should Apologies be Made in Public?

It has been over a decade since it happened and I long ago forgave the people involved, including the person who instigated the entire episode. I was wronged and my reputation was tarnished. I was left wounded emotionally and at times even doubting myself, wondering if I was really the monster that others said I was. But what hurt most of all was the doubt expressed by members of my family who were also close to those who did me wrong. Nothing hurts worse than having loved ones question you about something you did not do. As I said, I had long ago forgiven everyone involved and had not planned to bring the situation up ever again. Yet, after over a decade I was confronted by this situation once again when one of the people involved offered an apology.

Of course I accepted that apology, grateful that it meant that much to this person. I suppose that should have been the end of it, except that I found myself thinking about all of the people who either thought I was wrong or who didn’t know what to think. A few of them have passed away, doing so never having learned the truth. Those who are still alive today most likely don’t even think about what happened but if asked would tell a side of the story which they were told by others. After ignoring the temptation to get angry about it, I found myself longing for a public apology which I likely will never get.

So here is a question for you. Are there times when apologies should be made in public? This has nothing to do with whether or not we forgive others. We are called to do that even without an apology. But in response to a very public wrong, should the apology be just as public? To be honest I don’t need a public apology (which I suppose answers my question) and I know that God knows exactly what happened, which is the most important fact. But that question will probably always live in the back of my mind and I hope that if I wrong someone publicly, I will remember this feeling and let it drive me to apologize in public.

God Delights In Mercy, Even in the Old Testament

It’s a conversation I’ve had many times and it usually starts with the statement, “The God of the Old Testament seems so different from the God of the New Testament.” The person making this statement usually goes on to talk about how God seems so judgmental and harsh in the Old Testament and so forgiving in the New Testament. They point to times when people died for sinning against God, like in 2 Samuel 6:6-8 when Uzzah touched the ark and was immediately struck down. Even David was a little ticked off about that one. While it’s a little confusing to say that the God who forgives would do such a thing, the fact is that it is the same God. Therefore, we must reconcile these acts of judgment with the forgiveness that is found throughout the New Testament, lest we misunderstand the true nature of our God.

Who is a God like You,

Pardoning iniquity

And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage?

He does not retain His anger forever,

Because He delights in mercy.

Micah 7:18 (NKJV)

Micah believed that the God of his time (in the Old Testament) was a God who forgave sins. Micah describes God as one who “delights in mercy.” Other translations use the words “Grace,” “steadfast love” and “loving-kindness,” Some even use both “mercy” and “loving-kindness” together. In Micah’s eyes the God of the Old Testament was more like what we think of about the God of the New Testament.

Keep in mind that Micah wrote this after prophesying of the judgment which was to fall upon Judah and Israel (Micah chapters 1-3), so the prophet was not overlooking the fact that God at times will unleash His anger upon those who sin against Him. But Micah also understood the fact that God is a just God and that the people of his nation had earned their sentence of death because of their iniquities. That being said, Micah trusted that God would have compassion and would cast their sins into the sea (verse 19).

Micah’s God was the God of the Old Testament. His God was also a God of mercy and compassion who loves His people and forgives them of their sins. This same Old Testament God gave His Son as a sacrifice for our sins because He loved the world (John 3:16) and while at times it may be difficult to accept, God has not changed. He is Lord in every book of the Bible. He was a God of mercy in the Old Testament and He is a God of mercy in the New Testament. And right now He wants to show you how much He loves and cares about you.

Where Is Your Focus? When Joseph Had to Choose

 

Genesis 50:15-21

You know the verse:

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, (Genesis 50:20 NKJV)

But have you ever thought about the choice Joseph was making when he spoke those words? His father Jacob had recently passed away and his brothers were now scared. Without the protection of their father they feared that Joseph might take his revenge on them for what they had done many years ago. And who could blame Joseph if he did? After all, when he was much younger they tossed him into a pit which was much better for him than their original plan which was to kill him (Genesis 37:17-22). Later his brothers decided to make some money by selling Joseph into slavery (Genesis 37:25-28). This was the start of what could only be called a roller coaster of a life, that is if roller coasters existed back then.

As a slave he found himself traveling with a group of Arabian Nomads who made their living by selling things, in this case spices, balm myrrh and the occasional human being. (If you are curious as to why the Bible calls this group both “Ishmaelites'' and “Midianites'' check out “Ishmaelites or Midianites” on appologeticspress.org.) These Nomads sold Joseph to Potiphar where he would find himself falsely accused of attempting to assault the man’s wife. As a result Joseph would find himself in prison before eventually being freed in order to guide Egypt through a rather severe drought. According to a number of sources, Joseph would spend a combined 13 years either serving Potiphar or sitting in prison before seeing the fulfillment of what he had seen in the dreams that turned his brothers against him in the first place.

Having experienced these ups and downs, and now facing his brothers without his dad there to intervene, Joseph had a choice to make. He could focus on all that had gone wrong in his life because of one malicious act carried out against him by his brothers. He could focus on how he had overcome the difficulties of his past to become second only to Pharaoh in all of Egypt. Instead of choosing one of these, Joseph focused on a third possibility: that God worked everything for his good and for the good of his family.

Joseph chose to see his life through the eyes of God, focusing on what God was doing instead of focusing on the actions of his brothers or anyone else that had wronged him. This allowed him to forgive and to live free of the bondage that comes when past trauma colors our point of view. What could have been a life of depression and anger or a life spent carrying grudges was instead a life of purpose and blessing which Joseph was only able to receive by seeing God at work in his life.

This lesson is one that is very personal for me. I’ve shared in the past how my teen years were lived under the bondage of codependency. Early in my Christian walk I found it difficult to forgive and to let go of my past, allowing the chains of co-dependency to haunt me long after I had been set free. But in order to forgive and let go, I had to come to terms with the fact that God allowed me to grow up in that situation. No, He did not cause alcoholism to run in my family but He also didn’t intervene to keep me out of the situation. I had to accept that God had worked all for my good including my past and what was a very difficult situation served a purpose in God’s plan for my life.

Chances are there are times in your life where you have wondered why God didn’t intervene. Was He even there with you? Could He hear your cries? The answer is yes and yes. But will you choose to see your situation and your past through His eyes, believing that He works all for your good?

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NKJV)