My Toughest Prayer at My Current Life Stage

Back in 2019 I wrote a post in which I talked about my two toughest prayers: two prayers that were (and still are) difficult to say because both involve surrender to God. The first of these prayers is, "Father give me the day I need to grow in You." The second is even more difficult to say: "Father give my family the day they need to grow in You." A lot has happened since 2019 and at times God did choose difficult roads that I never would have chosen for myself, like a family health scare that was hard to stomach at the time but that prevented an even bigger health problem in the long run. These prayers are still difficult for me to say but I still say them, thanking God for what He is doing as He leads me along His chosen paths.

I’m at a stage now where the second question carries even more weight. My wife and I have successfully gotten both of our sons through high school with both moving on to “adult life.” One of my sons chose the more traditional path, going to college and then grad school and now he has his first “real” job. He is also married, with he and his wife taking on the challenge of owning a puppy. My other son chose a very non-traditional path with God opening doors and providing each step of the way. The path he has chosen will be difficult but he has embraced the challenge that lies ahead. In both cases it’s difficult to be on the sidelines and yet that is where I need to be: out of God’s way.

When the boys were in school I could fool myself into thinking that I had some level of control. Now they are both well beyond my reach. One thing that has not changed is my desire for both of them to know God and to grow spiritually, giving their hearts in surrender to Him. This means I still pray that same prayer for them now that I did back then, only expanding it to cover my daughter-in-law and my younger son’s girlfriend. "Father give my family the day they need to grow in You." It’s still a difficult prayer because I want to see them all succeed without the difficulties that I know are normal in life and I still have no control over seeing this goal achieved. Fortunately, the One who answers this prayer has not changed and I can rest assured that He will lead my family down the paths where they can enjoy His best, even if those paths are a bit difficult.

What Motivates You on Your Christian Walk?

It’s a complaint that I hear all too often, where someone talks about how they struggle to find reasons to do “Christian things.” I heard it again recently while listening to a podcast where the person being interviewed spoke about how they used to live as if they were going down a checklist of what a good Christian should do. Usually this kind of conversation ends in one of two ways. Either the person completely leaves the faith or they continue to call themselves a believer but one who has discovered some “new” free way to live out their faith. Often this new way leaves the door open for doing things the way they want without checking to see if it is okay with God. Whenever I hear about these checklist Christians it reminds me of my past, back when the motivation for my Christian walk was more dogmatic than it was a loving relationship. That “checklist” part of my life was dry, empty and, to be honest, no different than the codependency I lived in as a teen.

Yes, I was once one of those kinds of people, living as a “perfect” example of a Christian. I read the Bible twice per day, protecting my devotional times with a passion that must have impressed even the biggest zealot. I was determined to get it right, making sure I worked my way through my checklist each and every day. And each and every day I would battle with that voice that said, “Is this all there is?” In those moments when I was honest with myself I knew that I didn’t feel any different than before I was a Christian, which was okay because I had been taught that it was about faith, not feelings. And by the end of each day I would find myself feeling just as sad and just as lost as ever, questioning whether or not this Christian thing really worked.

I believe that I was a saved Christian back in those days, having accepted Christ by faith, but I was not living in the abundance promised by Jesus. The Christian life is not a life of doing what one is supposed to do, which is where many of us begin and continue. As we grow and mature, our actions should more and more come from a response to God’s presence and from a growing love for our Savior. Our day to day activities result from being free to choose what is right and not from the bondage of religious dos and don’ts. From an activity stand point it might not look any different from someone who is checking things off of their Christian list but on the inside it is significantly different. How different is it? It is the difference between feeling like there is a dry river bed inside and the feeling of having a fountain of water springing up inside (John 4:14).

Yes, Jesus came to show and teach us how we should live and we should obey His words. But what motivates you on your Christian walk? Does your motivation allow you to experience the fullness available to everyone, not by works, but by faith in Christ Jesus?

See also:

Serving Without Knowing God 

What Drives Your Christian Testimony?

A Religious Exercise or An Act of Love?