My Identity In Christ

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The biggest hurdle on the path of my Christian walk was that of recognizing my identity, as most of who I was and how I perceived myself was the result of codependent living. In fact I identified more with codependency than I did with being black. It didn’t help that my friends from time to time called me an Oreo Cookie, leaving me questioning my own racial makeup, nor did it help that I equated value with the ability to meet the expectations of other people. Even after becoming a Christian codependency is what defined me. That, along with being an Oreo who often fell short of expectations, was the reason that I didn't really like...me. These made up my identity and none of them was worth writing home about.

One of the things we tell people when they come to Christ is that they are a new creation. We tell people they are different: different from who they once were and different from people of the world of which they are no longer a citizen. That all sounded good to me and I made sure to tell everyone about this new me. However my heart did not feel new. It felt like the same heart of stone, the one God promised to replace but I felt like I missed my appointment. I called myself a child of God but in reality I doubted this fact more often than not. Though I said I was a new creation I still struggled with insecurity and with the view that I was a failure with fake relationships and with no real racial identity.

I wish at this point I could say that things just clicked one day and I realized something different about myself. That’s not how it happened. Instead I struggled for years after receiving Christ and being baptized. I struggled with impostor syndrome even as I was elevated into church leadership. I struggled with doubts, believing the promised abundant life in Christ was only for others not for a person like me. I believed these things because while I am saved and living the gift of eternal life, the most important part (a growing relationship with God) was missing.

The Bible tells us that eternal life is about relationship with God (John 17:3). It is about a complete change in identity wherein we become children of the Most High and He becomes our Father. As a result of the cross we are free to come home to our Creator, whose will is for us to know His love. In Christ we are given a new identity which we claim by faith. It may take time to learn to live as one of His but know that He is doing a good work in you. Know that as a believer you are not an impostor. By faith know that your identity is God’s son or daughter.