There’s Nothing I Can Do About It

It was a show of blatant disrespect, the kind that people later try to justify because they know they are wrong. There I was trying to make what I thought was an important point but someone else kept talking over me. They felt that the point I was making didn’t apply at the time, even though later on someone else asked the very question I was trying to answer. Somehow the answer was important when the other person asked the question but wasn’t important when I, knowing the information was needed, tried to anticipate what would be asked. Later on the person tried to explain why they interrupted me, as if the explanation somehow made it less disrespectful.

Fortunately, God has done quite a bit of work on my heart. Having been brought up under the cloud of codependency, my old self would have reacted poorly. I would have started yelling or done something else that would have made me look like a fool. If I didn’t yell, I would have made some sort of passive aggressive comment when the question I was trying to answer was asked later on. Somehow I would have found a way to mess things up so that in the end all anyone would have talked about was my own immaturity instead of that of the person who was really at fault.

In the past if I somehow managed to hold my tongue I would have felt compelled to try to change how that person thinks about me: I would have tried to earn their respect. If I had lost it, I would have gone to grovel at the person’s feet, taking full responsibility for my wrong and for theirs. Why? Well that is a symptom of codependency. It’s a drive to get people to like and respect me while fixing problems that I didn’t create in the first place. Along with that, codependency tells me that I am usually wrong and the other person is right, even when they treat me (and others) poorly.

What I’ve learned over the years is that there are some people whose hearts are not in the right place. They have an agenda to push and they are going to do so no matter who gets embarrassed or even hurt. I can’t make people like that respect or even like me. I cannot do anything to make them treat me any differently. In fact, there is nothing I can do about it. But that does not let me off the hook. While I am not responsible for the actions of other people, I am responsible for how I respond. I am responsible for making sure that my heart is right and that, in the end, I can walk away knowing that I responded as God wants.