On my old blog I often wrote about codependency and how having an alcoholic parent was what defined my
life well into adulthood. While trapped by my mom's addiction I found that the best way to cope was to suppress my very negative and destructive feelings out of fear of what might have happened if they were to reach the surface of my being. Yet, as much as I thought I could hide, I still became angry and sad over something inside that I was unable to describe. Fortunately a recent post by a fellow codependent has opened my eyes. The writer, a fellow codependent, has confronted me with that which I did not want to admit to myself.
|Foster sisters by Phillip Richard Morris|
Talking or writing about the past is difficult for most codependents. So it must have taken quite a bit of courage to write “The Effects of Alcoholism Through the Eyes of a Child,” (posted on allprodad.com). I am not sure who wrote the post but can definitely relate to the experiences. The writer speaks of finding his mother dead in her room, reminding me of the phone call from my brother telling me of my mother’s death. As with the writer of the blog post, I was shocked but not surprised. But I never came to terms with perhaps the most destructive part of being a codependent, a truth spelled out in the post’s final paragraph.
In my own words: Being a codependent means living with the fact that your parent, or some other family member, loves alcohol more than they love you.
Playing second fiddle to an aluminum can destroyed my self esteem. And while I wanted to take responsibility for my own life, I found no real reason to care about myself if the one who should have cared most did not. Instead I have lived with a lot of hidden anger refusing to believe in anything but a negative view of myself. This is where I was until I discovered the truth.
If you are a codependent or if you have bought into the lie that nobody cares, I would like to share one truth with you: Somebody cares! A lot of people care, starting with our Creator who demonstrated His love on the cross where He died for you. Stop listening to that lie that tells you otherwise. There are many who care about you and who want to overlook your codependency. In short: you are loved.